Pharyngula::State-approved insanity

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

State-approved insanity

PZ Myers • 58 Comments (last page)

The Wall Street Journal has just reported that three Christian ministers claim to have snuck into a Senate hearing room in order to anoint the chairs that will be used for Samuel Alito's confirmation hearing next week.
"We did adequately apply oil to all the seats," the Rev. Rob Schenck tells the Journal. Schenck and his colleagues insisted that they aren't taking sides in the confirmation fight. But Schenck said that God is "interested" in "what goes on" in Alito's confirmation process.

The title "Reverend" is carried by a lot of lunatics, isn't it?

I have a hard time imagining a Lord of the Universe who whispers into the ears of the Three Stooges that they ought to go grease up a couple of chairs to lubricate the approval process for his chosen wingnut. It's almost as hard to imagine that these kooks have congregations that respect and follow them…

(via Mike the Mad Biologist)

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Comments:

#56824: Narc — 01/07 at 11:07 AM
"We did adequately apply oil to all the seats."

That's the bit that gets me. Would it have been possible to put an insufficient amount of oil on these seats? Enough oil to make it a bit slippery, but not enough to allow the power of the Almightly Lord to manifest properly?

What's the whole point of this action? (Other than flaunting one's self-rightousness, of course.) Do these priests think that God is standing up on a cloud looking down at the room and shouting, "I can't hear what's going on! You'll have to cover everything in oil first."

#56826: PZ Myers — 01/07 at 11:16 AM
Or that the All-Powerful, Omnipotent Master of the Cosmos really, really wants Sam Alito on the Supreme Court, but he's not going to allow it unless there's a dab of grease in the right spot.

It's useful information to have. God is powerless against soap.

PZ Myers
Division of Science and Math
University of Minnesota, Morris

#56827: Jonathan Badger — 01/07 at 11:16 AM
One is reminded of Ambrose Bierce's definition of "anoint": to grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

#56829: — 01/07 at 11:21 AM
I'm watching a show which has to do with fascinating old european art. It's really a shame that so much talent and beauty is linked to such a stupid and irrational mythology.

#56830: Jeremy Henty — 01/07 at 11:30 AM
Maybe it's sabotage? You can't confirm the guy if he keeps sliding out of the chair!

#56832: — 01/07 at 11:34 AM
This is a terrifying peek into the human brain's power to compartmentalize reality, suspend rationality, and resist reason.

If these clowns really believe this, why don't we prosecute them for interfering with official Senate business? Is this any different than (say) spraying Anthrax on the microphones of senators opposed to Alioto?

Suppose I now feel that they have deprived me of my constitutional right to have my senator give unbiased advice and consent, and so I organize a gang of godless thugs to go spray oil on their churches?

#56833: Jonathan Badger — 01/07 at 11:38 AM
"and so I organize a gang of godless thugs to go spray oil on their churches?"

Not oil! Soap! That would prevent their prayers from being heard! Muhahahaha!
As PZ deduced, soap is the Divine Kryptonite!

#56835: Don — 01/07 at 11:47 AM
Funny thing is, if Alito is not confirmed, these same idiots will just explain that it was not God's will. Blessed if you do, blessed if you don't, I guess.

#56836: Don — 01/07 at 11:49 AM
Oh, and by the way:

"SNUCK INTO a Senate hearing room"??!?

Great to see that Homeland Security is alive and well.
WTF?!

#56838: Mrs Tilton — 01/07 at 12:08 PM
if Alito is not confirmed, these same idiots will just explain that it was not God's will.

Having access to the Almighty I am well positioned to tell the three reverends that, no, this conclusion would be colossally, tragically wrong. If Alito isn't confirmed, it's because they used the wrong oil. And nothing provokes the Almighty's wrath like the wrong oil. The reverends can look forward to a warm eternity...

As for the rest of you, if you need to anoint any senate seats, I'd recommend you go with either raspberry-walnut oil or else Pennzoil 10W-30. Both are usually a safe bet.

#56839: PZ Myers — 01/07 at 12:20 PM
Although if it is a senator from one of our colder northern states, an oil with a lower viscosity, like 0W-30 or 5W-30, is recommended.

PZ Myers
Division of Science and Math
University of Minnesota, Morris

#56840: — 01/07 at 12:29 PM
What about PAM? Would that work? Far fewer calories than oil.

#56842: — 01/07 at 12:55 PM
I snuck in and wiped a bunch of boogers under Alito's chair. Snotacula, the Booger Deity, is also interested in Alito's nomination.

Snotacula hates Alito because Alito picks his nose after he wipes his ass without washing his hands first.

#56845: Mark Nutter — 01/07 at 01:13 PM
I notice it doesn't say what kind of oil they applied to those seats. Olive oil? Mineral oil? Preparation H?

#56846: — 01/07 at 01:17 PM
This posting has been linked on http://www.fark.com so I hope your server is up to the task.

#56848: Mrs Tilton — 01/07 at 01:30 PM
a lower viscosity, like 0W-30 or 5W-30, is recommended

See, this is why I so appreciate having A Scientist in my (virtual) acquaintance. I'd had no idea there was an official motor-oil taxonomy, nor that it could matter how cold the weather was! I saw 'Pennzoil 10W-40' on a website, and thought it was a brand name.

Up till now, I've just poured the occasional bottle of oil into the motor. It's worked pretty well so far, but maybe faith-based auto maintenance isn't, in the long run, such a good idea. In future I shall have to pay the extra money and go to the full-service line. 'Top it up, my man, and put in some oil as well... whatever's appropriate to the season'. (I can't just say 10W-40 or 0W-30, though, as oil over here is probably called something different. Metric system and all, you know. What can I say -- my ride is French!

#56852: — 01/07 at 01:51 PM
Maybe they are hoping that if an atheist sits in one of the oily chairs, he or she will burst into flames?

#56853: No More Mr. Nice Guy! — 01/07 at 02:07 PM
I wonder if they used Crisco? It worked for Ashcroft!

#56855: — 01/07 at 02:21 PM
Imagine the frustration experienced by god, the almighty supreme being who created the universe, if these puds had failed in their covert op and the chairs had been left with insufficient oil for him to exert his will over the confirmation hearings. He would have had to sit at home, as helpless as any other omnipotent being who didn't have sufficiently applied oil to control a hearing, trying to pop another blood vessel in Ariel Shron's brain. Poor god.

#56856: Kagehi — 01/07 at 02:32 PM
Hmm. Do we know if this guy is a dove or a hawk? I mean, it would be really inappropriate to use oil from an olive branch, instead of gun oil, if he is a hawk right?

This thread is cracking me up. lol

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent - Robert A. Heinlein

#56857: — 01/07 at 02:35 PM
Ahh, the next step in Christian World Domination : Geurilla Conversion.

<Darwinist>: So In conclusion, I think we should...
<SoldierForTheBigGuy>: Gotcha! That chair was blessed with Chrism - You're a Christian now, Brother! Step over to our side of the debate!
<Darwinist>: Oh. You got me. Well, lets get ID on the curriculum and tattoo all the queers, then.
<SFTBG>: Really?
<DWNST>: No, you idiot, not really. By the way, you owe me drycleaning for these pants.

#56858: — 01/07 at 02:44 PM
I used to anoint the lecture table in the Pharmacy auditorium at my university.

If by "anoint" you mean sneak in after hours, lie on it, and jerk off.

#56859: decrepitoldfool — 01/07 at 02:45 PM
Maybe with the threat of hellfire you need a nice nonflammable oil. It can't possibly be more toxic than the ideology.

#56861: — 01/07 at 02:56 PM
“The title "Reverend" is carried by a lot of lunatics, isn't it?”

Blasphemous lunatics at that. In the entire Bible, the word “reverend” in any form appears exactly once, in Psalms, as a name of God. It’s a form of blasphemy for any human to take that title for him/herself (let alone to try to “improve on it” with such adjectives as “Right Reverend” or “Most Reverend” or “Most Right Reverend” — if God’s Name is merely ”reverend and holy” [and we are specifically forbidden to call any human “holy”], how dare any mortal who presumes to be on the side of God aggrandize unto himself a loftier title!?), or to permit anyone to call him that, or to call any one else by that title.

Any Christian sect that calls its ministers by that title is automatically wrong and evil, for that reason alone.

#56862: — 01/07 at 03:09 PM
I'm sure it was olive oil, and I think we should leave out a nice focaccia. The FSM may stop by too, and I think it would be cute to run with the Itallian theme

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

State-approved insanity

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